I need to call my family. A call at 3am might worry them. But I think about what I'm going to say once they pick up and decide that worry is kind of inevitable at this point.
Jamie: Hi Dad! It's Jamie.
Dad: Jamie, it's three in the morning.
Jamie: Oh, you are going to feel so bad you just said that. This is really good.
My sister is 7 months pregnant with my niece. If things don't go well for me I wonder if she'll call the baby Jamie. If I asked, she would kind of have to, right? I keep this thought to myself. It entertains me but it would upset my sister.
I'm really trying not to think that way. Yes, this is brain surgery. There are risks. But, I voluntarily do risky things all the time, like rock climbing. Is this any different? The stuff of life is risky.
And, there's really nothing I can do about all this anyway. That's really what's keeping me extraordinarily (and somewhat surprisingly) calm. This is all just kind of happening and I'm like "Ummmm, okay."