Sunday, December 22, 2013

If you pushed me, I would definitely fall over.

I'm walking about as well as a toddler.
If you pushed me, I would definitely fall down.

They drained the cerebrospinal fluid from my brain.  
So, it's kind of like there was a drought and while cerebrospinal fluid is replenishing everything is resettling including my the part of my brain responsible for balance:  the cerebellum.

So I'm wobbly.  My kinesthetic intelligence was never very good to begin with but this brings my sense of clumsy to a whole new level.

Walking actually feels a lot like rock climbing. 
Every move is very deliberate.  Walls and furniture and people are like holds.  


My dad takes me to Target.  I hold onto the shopping cart and realize that while I'm wobbly I'm actually still quite strong (yeah climbing).  The shopping cart is keeping me steady and I realize the strength in my legs and power forward.  Until thirty seconds later I'm so tired I pre-empt falling and just sit down in the towel section of Target.

I'm quickly realizing how much this sets me back.  It's hard for me to feel too bummed because I'm grateful for how much went right and how much worse this could be.


Walking around the mall (on Christmas eve) feels like driving.  I'm leaving THE GAP and make a full stop at the door.  I look to my right, look to the left, look to the right, find a clearing in the crowd and take it.

I wonder how it is that people don't bump into each other all the time.  Somehow, we move around each other.  We get out of the way.  We weave through each other.  We make way.   Walking in a crowd feels like a face off.  As people come towards me I'm thinking "I'm not moving out of the way.  Are they?"  And they do. 

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