Resolution for 2010

Be less grumpy.

Gifts

Parker got a Snuggie. He liked it.

Diane got me an ET shirt. I liked it.

Family Time

Spent a few days with Teri, Nate, Jon & Mom after Christmas in Seattle.

Highlights included

walking out on a nun doing improv

shopping downtown

watching the Hangover twice
skiing with Mom who hasn't skied in 25+ years

pre-bowling blowout between Teri and Jon
bowling
sharing the couch with Jon
a bitchy and dumb receptionist at the spa (that's my mom, not the bitchy employee)

pictures on the beach with the siblings

passing time in Tully's

a false alarm mad rush to the airport
a blowout so fierce on my part that the dog started to bark
mom forgetting to separate her liquids out at the airport
a redeye
Ho ho ho!

It don't snow here, it stays pretty green.

2.5 miles on Christmas eve with Barb

Hohoho

Running against the clock

Barb and I wanted to run together today. Originally we were going to go in the middle of the day but work got the better of both of us. So, around 4:30 we tried again. We were thinking, "Hmmmm, how long are we doing to have the light?" and then we realized it was Winter Solstice - the shortest day of the year. So we scrambled out there and did a quick two miles as the sun went down. Neat.

Running With Weather

Barb launched her 50 mile training program this week. I'm going to run with her as often as possible. Not as long or as fast. We make it easier for each other to get our there.

Barb and I planned to run over lunch at work. Then it started to snow. Now, here's why I love Barb. She's more excited to run b/c it's snowing. I was too. Of course, it stopped snowing during our run and then started up after the run. We wanted to be hard core but the weather didn't allow it.

Saturday morning was rainy and cold. When I left my apartment to drive a pal to the airport my first thought was "Er, don't want to run in this" but then I thought about Barb on Marathon Day, and skiing and was fine with crappier weather. If you're ready for it (apparel) it can be fun.

We had a muddy run on Lake Johnson. And then read up on running in the cold and rain. We need track suits.

Er, is my car now more of less valuable?

Pretty Rain Boots Make Everything Better

Have you ever opened up a pot of rice and watched the steam come screaming out? That's pretty much what happened to my car this morning. So I pulled over, got out of the car and stared at it.

Before I could figure out what to do next someone had pulled over to help. This nice guy helped me open the hood. Using the manual we figured out where to find the coolant container was and then we determined it was empty. While said guy was helping me with my car I put in a quick call to my boss. He made a joke about John Silverman driving by. "John Silverman," I said. "How do you know John Silverman?" What I didn't realize what that the person who stopped was McKinney coworker. Hey, there are a ton of new people at the place and I was gone when most of them came in. And here I thought he was helping a pretty damsel in distress.

He stayed for a bit until I had a call into Rod who knew I was going to be late and also car me car advice), Swedish Imports (the repair shop), Roadside Assistance and pal David who was going to come wait with me (David just drove 14+ hours from Chicago last night, but he and his puppy Parker were happy to come join me).

I'm told the tow truck will arrive 40 minutes or less. An hour later I get a call. The tow truck got in an accident on it's way to me. David said "That's like hitting an ambulance." An accident isn't funny, it isn't, but this situation, well, it really was. We had to laugh. I don't think Parker was as amused. Poor boy wants out of the car.

Finally the second tow truck arrived. At this point, David has escaped for coffee in downtown Durham so I rode with the Tow Truck Guy to Swedish imports where David met me with a bagel and juice and drove me to work.

It was raining this morning so of course I had on my snappy rain boots. Either Diane or David noted "Good thing she has her rain boots. Make waiting for the tow truck much more fun."

It did!

A date which will live in infamy

indeed.

River

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace

Parking Spot

For the first time ever there wasn't a parking space in the lot by my building. So I had to park one lot over. When I got to the apartment I said to Diane. "Ok, here's what going to happen tomorrow morning. I'm going to leave the apartment and then come back very frantic and wake you up because someone stole my car." You just need to remind me that it's in the other lot, ok?

Howard is Hired.

So, Barb is on for the ultra. Today, we '"interviewed" a potential coach - Howard Nippert. He's hired. JFK50, Maryland, November 2010. Here comes Barb. And Jamie, her manager. And Howard, her coach.

I've been watching some Gilmore Girls over the holiday. Enjoying it. It's no West Wing but hey, everyone is from CT!

Dullllll movie.

Nate lasted ten minutes. Teri forty. Jamie forty five.
.
Now, my walking tour. That's excitement. That lasted for hours.

Sweet dreams and flying machines

In pieces on the ground.

Nice Day

Eyebrows threaded. Lunch Buffet. Lunch Coma. Walk/Run.

Was going to take a bike ride with Barb. Until she called that her cat was missing. I had posted printed promising a reward within minutes of her phone call. Then she found her cat. We walked around Lake Johnson. And then hung out. And researched ultramarathons. And I ended up staying for dinner prep, dinner with Barry and Josh and a few card games where the loser had to wear a funny hat.

It was a nice day.

I had lunch with Ellen today

I miss her. And the goats.

I finally got to making the enchiladas.

Diane ate soy crumbles. Yum, yum, yum.

Recipe

It's time for a few small repairs again.

Just a bulb.

Lunch

Welll there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come

Run, Bengt, Run

Coach Foehl gets her runner ready.

Nice to see you again

Whoosh

After almost four years down here I finally got to a basketball game. Duke. Season opener. Really good seats (got them from McKinney CEO). I enjoyed the game but I think my favorite part was the Cameron Crazies. Student fans. When Duke makes a basket they all say whoooooooooooooooooooooooooosh. Loved it.

One of my favorite childhood films.

I must have these. Need to find them in my size.

Happy 40th, Sesame Street

And "Happy Fall" to me too.

Berlin wall news.

I remember the news coverage of the Berlin Wall coming down. My dad said something along the lines of "Pay attention to this. You might not realize it now but you're witnessing a historic moment."

Carleton Cooking Series: Chinese Food

Bubble Soup. Yum. Involved a lot of stirring, but so delicious.

Happy Alumni! We've lost track of the courses.

I played Woodstock in a school play years ago.

I wore yellow feety pajamas.

"It's time for a few small repairs" she said.

Sunny came home with a mission.

Marathon Day

It's Marathon Day! And I have pictures. Sadly, I did not participate in this marathon. I had been training with Barb and was planning on doing the half for sure, the full perhaps, depending on how my body dealt with the longer runs. But then, you know, the whole brain thing and no running.

So, I embraced the role of Cheerleader Coach for my pal Barb. Organized friends to cheer for her at several locations along the route. I had a spreadsheet. We broadcast her location and progress on Facebook.

Met Barb at the start (got there before she did so I got in line for the bathroom). Here's the thrilling pre-race interview.


It would not have been a worse day for a marathon. Cold. Windy. Rainy. Barb smiled throughout the whole thing.


She made a friend along the way. Meet Dana (with Barb at Mile 10).


After filming this clip, this is me at home, doing a wardrobe change before I drive to the finish.

And here's the big finish.


Overall it was a really exciting day and I was beaming with pride for pal Barb. It was, however, in a teeny tiny way a little bittersweet. I set a goal for myself that I was not able to achieve due to circumstances beyond my control. So, new goals I guess. Right now, I'm working up to a really solid 5K pace. Then I'll start training for a 1/2. Maybe do the Tobacco Trail Marathon in March, do some Triathlons through the Spring and early Summer and then train for the Raleigh Marathon. Working that out.

Trick or Treat or Gum

Another Halloween Party tonight. Adam went as Dexter. I went as one of his victims. Adam wore a Henley and carried a garbage bag, I wrapped my torso in plastic wrap and then we did a blood stain with nail polish.

Another funny Halloween Story.

It's about 600 in the evening. We hear a knock on the door. We wonder who in the world it is.

Trick O Treaters.

Duh.

But not really. We live in an apartment. We have nothing on hand. Well, Diane is making beef stew but that's worse than the dentist who gives you toothpaste on Halloween.

Gum! We have gum. Unopened. Wrapped. The kids get gum and Adam and I head to the Food Lion to get some candy. I know all this candy is going to be like a dollar tomorrow and I feel like a sucker paying eight bucks for it tonight.

Of course, we only get one more set of Trick O Treaters after that.

Marathon Pumpkin

I went to a Pumpkin Carving Party tonight and carved a Pumpkin that said 26.2 (for Barb). I forgot to take a picture of it. Unbelievable, I know.

Come play with us Danny

Awesome, right? Still, no win in the costume contest.

Come play with us Danny

Photo credit to Stacy Evans.

Funniest Brain Related E-mail of the Day

"Let's start a brain bleed beauty contest. You could be Miss Cavernoma, 2009."

Did Dr KL tell you what you have?

And it’s Tuesday. Appointment with Doctor L. I’ve got Diane in tow and we head to the office. We arrive and I’m told my appointment was at 9AM this morning and I was listed as a no show. Now, brain jokes about cognitive deficits and memory aside I am positive the appointment was at 2:00. Positive.

Later on I learned that they left a message for me at my work number asking me if they could move it until 9:00am. First of all, I don’t know how they got my work number as I rarely use it and rarely give it out (I use my cell phone) and secondly I never got back to them that this change was OK so they really should not have switched it without confirmation from me. Whatever. I was relieved I hadn’t made a mistake remembering the time. I do harbor a bit of anxiety about issues with cognition.

I’m told they’ll squeeze me in and Diane and I sit around for about an hour. Then we sit in an examination room for about 10 minutes. Again I admire the bamboo floors and appreciate the good use of my insurance dollars.

Doctor L comes in. Dressed to the nines, of course. I kind of like and dislike that about him.

Highlights from the conversation

L: How are you?
J: I’m OK, how are you?
L: Better than you (it was funny).
J: Did Dr KL tell you what you have?
D/J thinking – is this some kind of guessing game? Is there something I haven’t been told about? Fortunately, he’s just referring to the cavernoma.
J: Well, I got a diagnosis in a voicemail. I’ve researched it but I would like to discuss it without.
L: A voicemail? The health care system these days (grumble grumble)
J (thinking) At least I get a call back.
L: You have a cavernoma. It’s in a shitty place. Near the brainstem.

He goes on to explain that surgery would be very, very risky. But, he quickly indicates that it’s unlikely they would do surgery on me. It would be a last ditch effort if it bled again AND along with really bad symptoms.

He goes on to explain that pretty much my life goes back to normal.

Of course I have a million questions (Ok, not a million but I actually did have four printed pages of questions. Diane took notes). Most of my questions are along the lines of limitations, prevention and treatment.

L: We have seen the people who baby themselves are not more or less likely to have another bleed.

As far as I’m concerned that’s good news. And bad news. The good news is I can go back to doing whatever I want. The bad news is there’s nothing I can do to prevent a repeat bleed because if there was, I would damn well be doing it.

L: If you have any more questions, just give me a call.

And here’s the moment I’ve been waiting for

J: Er, you’re kind of hard to get in touch with

L (surprised): I am the most reachable Doctor ever. My home phone is listed.

Jamie explains a little. Diane mentions him going to China without any coverage.

L:
obviously not hearing the part of the sentence that included “without any coverage”
I’m entitled to a vacation!

D: Oh, absolutely. Vacations are great. I just got back from a vacation. It’s just not having any coverage when you’re gone.

L: There are five other neurosurgeons here.

D: Jamie called your office and was told she had to wait until you got back before any decisions could be made.

L: That doesn’t make any sense

D/J: That’s what we were told.

Towards the end of the conversation Doctor L described it as a "freak" that they figured out what it was. It was only diagnosed because the CT scan I had last week was the same as the CT scan in August, yet I could not have had another bleed. It is difficult to diagnose these.

L: If I were to chose something to be wrong with my brain. This, what you have, would be it.

Hm, comforting?

We leave and agree that Doctor L is alright but his office staff is kind of shitty.

As soon as I get home I go for a run.

For the first time in over two months I feel some genuine sense of relief. This is about as over as it ever really can be.

Eh. I thought about it afterwards. But not for that long.

I don't think a ten page book makes for a movie.

I might hit the point where I've read more of Diane's books than she has.

Snacks for Marathon Planning Meeting I

Recipe for Avocado Yogurt dip here. Corn is leftover from the pork entree.

I talk to the cats too much

At exactly 9:00 I call Doctor L’s office to make an appointment. Well, he’s available on 10.27 the scheduler tells me. I know I’m not bleeding or anything but I would really like to talk to someone about this sooner than that. I think I have to call twice before I can get the appointment moved Wednesday October 21st. That’s still longer than I want to wait but I have to image if something was realllly wrong they would have me in immediately. Still, I’ve been waiting for quite some time now to get my life back to normal. I want to exercise. I want to run. I want to fly in a plane. You know, live a little bit more.

My world is starting to feel kind of small. I talk to the cats too much.

Thermelted.

And tonight I made pork, the other white meat. Diane graciously left out her meat thermometer since that's the key to cooking pork, apparently. I rubbed the pork yesterday and let it sink in overnight. As per the recipe I grilled the pork for six minutes and then put it in the oven.

Now, about this meat thermometer. I wasn't really sure how it worked so I googled "how to use a meat thermometer." and it said "stick it into the thickest part of the chop." And the recipe said "Cook until the meat thermometer reaches 155 degrees." This suggested to me that you put the meat thermometer in the pork as it's cooking and keep an eye on hitting 155. Otherwise, do you just poke it periodically? I was a little skeptical of the whole thing but went ahead with it.

After just five minutes I was really curious about the temperature so I looked in on the meat. Not only was I cooking the pork, I was also cooking the thermometer apparently. Oops. That a pretty serious design flaw, no?

Here's what went wrong. I didn't remove the (plastic!) cover from the thermometer and you're not supposed to just leave it in there. Lesson Learned. And "buy Diane a new meat thermometer" appears on tomorrow's to do list.

Despite the theradrama the meal was fabulous. Recipe here. Pics below.

Cooking Light picture.


Foehl Kitchen picture.


I also made a batch of Super Muffins, but those are old hat now.

Brain surgery, force your hand, I think that's your diagnosis

MRI today!

When I wrote about my last MRI I commented that it was nothing like a coffin as my friends had described to me. Today I understood what they meant. Lucky me got an MRI with a new non coffin like machine at Rex but the one at Wake Med, yeah, that’s a smaller, darker tube I’m in.

Much better MRI music selection at Wake Med however (not that this makes up for the older, scarier equipment).

In the pre scan consultation room I learn that this test is going to be with contrast which means needle time. At this point I’m kind of over being anxious about that.

During the scan I try to sit as still as possible. I take it as a challenge. The technician wondered if I had fallen asleep. Nope, I’m just trying to overachieve however possible.

Later that day I get a call from Dr KL. I’ve stayed close to my phone all day long but of course she calls when I’m not nearby and she end up leaving this message:

“Jamie your M-R-I showed that you have what’s called a cavernoma, which is a tiny little tangle of bloods vessels that tends to clot off and sometimes leak and it can repeat that pattern. It’s near your brainstem. I predict that no one is gonna want just go in and do explotaroy brain surgery for this. If it ever cut loose again your hand may be forced there but at the moment as healthy as you are I think that’s your diagnosis.”

But this is what I hear
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.

I’ll admit it. My initial reaction is panic and I get a little hysterical. But then I calm down, listen to the message again and start reading and I feel much calmer. Still, I wished I could have spoken with her on the phone.

And then she goes on to tell me that my follow up with Dr L, the guy from the hospital of whom I am not a fan.

I call to make an appointment with Dr L’s office. Yes, I have the info in the message and yes there’s a lot of information online about cavernoma but I dunno after getting a message that even suggested the possibility of brain surgery, no matter how remote, I want to talk to someone.

Sigh.

Chill

Made this tonight for consumption tomorrow. Letting it chilllll out in the fridge over night.

No change in the CAT

Tuesday rolls around and I get a message from Dr KL. She tells me that my CAT scan has not changed in the 2 months between scans. Huh. That doesn’t make sense to me or to the doctor apparently. In short, she’s baffled. So, I’m back in for an MRI on Wednesday morning. It’s weird that I kind of thought this whole thing was winding down yet new information is emerging at this stage. I’m a tiny bit worried. And kind of sick of driving down to Wake Med. I much preferred the hospital being next door.

Cats are funnier as residents

Diane brought home a dollhouse that her dad made her from DC. She also brought home some dolls but I think cats are funnier as residents.

Feeling Woozy. More tests.

And it’s off to Wake Med again to visit Doctor KL and review my pictures. I felt a little woozy over the weekend and doubt it really means anything but I’m still glad I can mention it to my doctor.

I bring a book and it’s a good thing I did because yet again I’m spending a long time in the waiting room. I think my patience has improved dramatically over the last two months.

She shows me my tests and confirms what she told me Friday. There’s nothing to indicate this was an aneurysm (note the wording of that).

She asks me how I’m feeling and I tell her that I felt a little headachy and nauseous over the weekend. I also indicate a lot of pain in my shoulder and neck and say I probably just slept funny on it, but wanted to report it anyway because you never know.

You don’t mess around when it comes to the brain so she orders a CAT Scan and an carotid ultrasound (this test is a first and is as close as I’m come to feeling pregnant). It was kind of cool to hear my heart beat and I can see why that would be moving for parents of an unborn child.

As soon as I arrive home from the hospital I have to turn around and co back. They need a copy of my scans from August. Something feels old school and absurd about sharing my information this way. I would expect more digital communication in 2009.

The only means of strengthening one's intellect is to make up one's mind about nothing, to let the mind be a thoroughfare for all thoughts.

Photoshootdyeinmybrain

Final photo-shoot today. Adam and I arrive at Wake Med hospital bright and early. Actually, it's so early, it's not really bright. And it's cold, too. I'm an outpatient this time, and presumably only there for the day but I've packed several changes of clothes and my own toiletries, just in case.

We register and head upstairs to wait. I'm given sensor that will vibrate when they're ready for me. Just like The Cheesecake Factory or something. In no time at all, a smiling nurse greets us and takes me down the hospital hall. I'm given a gown that is ten times my size and I have fun trying to make it look stylish. They take more blood, put in an IV and make X's on my feet for pulse checks they will do throughout the day. I am much less of a wimpezoid than I have been in the past and Adam is proud of me. One nice thing about an IV is they can administer most of the meds that way. Except one. Which goes in my hip. At the last moment Cid, the nurse, tells me, "I'm sorry honey, but this one is going to burn." She's not kidding. "Holy Crap!" I exclaim. Owwwie. That hurt. Wah.

I'm wheeled into the angiogram room and they basically tie me down to make sure I don't move during the photoshoot. Of course during this time everything itches but one of the angiotech's is a great itcher.

And then it begins. I hear Dr. KL's voice but never actually see her during the procedure. She makes some comment about pedal clip ins.
I'm told what I'm going to feel, and then am told "Breathe in, breath out, don't move." It's unpleasant, but knowing the sensations before they happen certainly helps. I'm much calmer this time (I attribute that to both the drugs and my calm demeanor). The tech team feels tighter and faster and before I know it, it's over.

Dr KL asks about reporting results. I tell her that my boyfriend, Adam, is in the waiting room. "Adam and Jamie!" she laughs. "Do you get a lot of Mythbuster's jokes?" I told you I like this Doctor. She tells me my films look fine and to make an appointment to review them with her next week.

My films look fine. I wasn't worried, but I am relieved. This whole thing is approaching over.

I'm wheeled out to the recovery area and have to lie flat for six hours. I'm woozy, but nothing compared to how this was in August. Adam stays with me, Barb arrives, Adam has to leave for work and then later Bengt arrives. The steady team of support makes all the difference.

Barb is especially entertaining. She seems to be having a really good time! I'm not sure if this is a reflection of the excitement of being with me or the excitement of not being at work. The girl got off easy though, I am nothing compared to the nightmare of Hospital Jamie in August. When the nurse comes over with discharge instructions Barb takes notes. I tell Barb I want a conference report.

As the end of six hours near they tell me that they're going to get me upright gradually. In the course of five minutes they raise the incline on the bed, get me in a chair and send me the bathroom. That wasn't very gradual but I must be a superstar, or there's a shift change, or they need the bed.

And with that, off I go. I feel woozy, but am pleased to be headed home. Of course, there's a quick pic with the superstar nurse, Cid.