Brain surgery, force your hand, I think that's your diagnosis

MRI today!

When I wrote about my last MRI I commented that it was nothing like a coffin as my friends had described to me. Today I understood what they meant. Lucky me got an MRI with a new non coffin like machine at Rex but the one at Wake Med, yeah, that’s a smaller, darker tube I’m in.

Much better MRI music selection at Wake Med however (not that this makes up for the older, scarier equipment).

In the pre scan consultation room I learn that this test is going to be with contrast which means needle time. At this point I’m kind of over being anxious about that.

During the scan I try to sit as still as possible. I take it as a challenge. The technician wondered if I had fallen asleep. Nope, I’m just trying to overachieve however possible.

Later that day I get a call from Dr KL. I’ve stayed close to my phone all day long but of course she calls when I’m not nearby and she end up leaving this message:

“Jamie your M-R-I showed that you have what’s called a cavernoma, which is a tiny little tangle of bloods vessels that tends to clot off and sometimes leak and it can repeat that pattern. It’s near your brainstem. I predict that no one is gonna want just go in and do explotaroy brain surgery for this. If it ever cut loose again your hand may be forced there but at the moment as healthy as you are I think that’s your diagnosis.”

But this is what I hear
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.
Brain surgery. Force your hand. I think that’s your diagnosis.

I’ll admit it. My initial reaction is panic and I get a little hysterical. But then I calm down, listen to the message again and start reading and I feel much calmer. Still, I wished I could have spoken with her on the phone.

And then she goes on to tell me that my follow up with Dr L, the guy from the hospital of whom I am not a fan.

I call to make an appointment with Dr L’s office. Yes, I have the info in the message and yes there’s a lot of information online about cavernoma but I dunno after getting a message that even suggested the possibility of brain surgery, no matter how remote, I want to talk to someone.

Sigh.