Thursday, December 25, 2008

You know how when you’re in coach class you walk past first class and you kind of hate those assholes? Well, turns out they hate you too.

Christmas Day.

We’re laid over in Dallas.

And our flight is delayed.

So, we find some outlets a few gates away from our gate and charge up the stuff. Finally, it looks like our flight is boarding. As we hand the gate agent our tickets they make an extra beep and the flight attendant looks at her machine quizzically. “Ah, shit” I’m thinking. Something has gone wrong. We’re doing this trip on miles and for some reason I feel like that makes it more likely that something will go wrong, since I didn’t have to fork over any dollars for this trip.


Turns out, we’ve been upgraded.


You know how when you’re in coach class you walk past first class and you kind of hate those assholes? Well, turns out they hate you too.

We get on the plane and all of first class has been seated. We’re sitting on the right side of the plane and our overhead compartment is fairly full so it only accommodates my roller board. The overhead compartment across the way, however, is practically empty, so Adam proceeds to place his roller board there.

As he does, a cranky voice from the seat below booms “My purse goes there.” There’s plenty of room and Adam politely tells her so. She crows “There had better be room for my purse.” Once again, Adam politely ensures her that there is ample room for her purse.

Cranky lady is sitting by the window. Adam is standing. So, they never actually make eye contact during this whole exchange.

A moment later, cranky lady waddles out of her seat to put her purse (which is really more the size of a duffle bag) in the overhead compartment. Even though her “purse” is five times the average purse size there is still plenty of room for it. But, she’s short and she’s standing right where Adam’s roller board is so she can’t see any of the space.

She’s getting all wheezy and frustrated. She looks at Adam and complains to him about the overhead compartment perpetrator “What a ja-erk!”

She doesn’t realize that she’s complaining about Adam to Adam.

Adam says “Merry Christmas. Um, there’s plenty of space up there for your bag.”

She says “Not you, the guy who put his bag up there.” You can tell she is indignant because she thinks that someone from Cattle Class but their bag in a First Class overhead compartment. The audacity.

Adam says “That’s my bag up there.”

And yeah, the conversation pretty much ends there.

To us, this is hilarious. Especially the way she says “Jerk.”

So, since we’re in First, we proceed to drink a little too much and call each other “Jerk” repeatedly. “Do you have a pen?” “Here you go…Jerk.” “How much longer until we land?” “I don’t’ know. Jerk.”

It’s amazing we didn’t get kicked out of First. Nobody could really hear us with the jet noise and so forth but damn, did we have fun.

At the end of her flight, she goes to get her purse/duffel bag. She can’t reach it. And who does she ask for help. Yep, Adam. The Ja-erk! She says “I’m sorry about before. I’m having a bad day” (it’s Christmas, by the way).

Her unpleasantness has provided us with hours of amusement since she first uttered the word “Jerk.” As soon as well tell people the story calling one of them a jerk becomes the funniest thing you can say. In fact, we even called people “Jerk” who didn’t know the story, and they found it funny (Thanks Joelle for your good sense of humor. I think you already got the story).

Anyone else who has been called a jerk by Adam or Jamie lately, it’s a term of endearment, really.


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